FROM MY HEART: You're doing the best you can.

Photo by Vlad Tchompalov on Unsplash

You’re breathing slowly to avoid saying what you’re thinking. You’re analyzing every situation to avoid making yet more bad moves. You planned this, and then planned it again when your plan exploded. Others rely on you and trust you implicitly, and your self-doubts make you feel guilty for their loyalty.

You’re trying. God, are you trying.

If you’re anything like me, your mind gets hellaciously noisy. The background is a mixture of random occurrences, bursts of recollection and general malaise. Weariness peeks in, with worry arm-in-arm. No need to speak: their presence is enough. You’re usually ready to play the mental tape that recites your values back to you — confidence, hopefulness, resourcefulness, resilience, creativity, kindness — so you know what you must do. It’s just hard to press Play, perhaps harder now than before.

You’ve been at all this for a long, long time. Perhaps the scope of it is just occurring to you, and it’s daunting. People tell you it’s important to catch your breath sometimes. They don’t realize that if you did that you’d be reminded just how thin the air is. Life is a long climb on a half-paved path to an unknowable destination… if you even make it there. Wherever “there” is.

It’s a lot. The burden can feel unfair, especially when you see other people getting farther and apparently doing much less. Life is full of blessings and serendipity, and also randomness and cruelty. The longer you live the less sense it makes.

And through all that, it is absolutely true that you’re doing the best you can.

You could’ve given up by now. You didn’t. You could’ve compromised your values much more. You haven’t. You might’ve sold yourself short and abandoned what you know you deserve in life. You wouldn’t, and you won’t. In many ways, little by little, you are making progress.

It’s the “little by little” that sucks. People get attention once their littles add up to lots. Sometimes their lots make your littles feel like nothing at all. It’s deceptive… and effective. Please don’t beat yourself up for feeling that way. Let’s just deal with the feeling itself, be honest about what it represents, and keep moving as best we can.

Today may be a very tough day. Or tomorrow, or sometime next week. Or every day for the last few years. I see you. And I know you’re busting your butt to make even the smallest advances on your journey, or to help someone else along their way. Even if the only person who doesn’t take it for granted right now is you, that matters. That’s enough to keep working, iterating, activating and persevering.

And no, this isn’t about motivation. It’s about acknowledgement.

Photo by Kyndall Ramirez on Unsplash

I’m not asking you to like it. I’m not one of those pathologically positive people who tell you to “embrace the struggle” or “lean into the discomfort”. That’s only good advice if you’re able to receive it and implement it. I can’t judge people too much for saying that. They may not realize that they can’t handle their own helplessness at being unable to fix you, and giving advice spares them from facing your pain. They feel pain at your pain, so they mask it with positivity.

For now, just keep going. Take the best possible care of yourself, including resting when you need it. Rest more than you think you need to. I assure you, you’re not getting as much as you actually need. Rest. Maybe close your eyes right now and take ten deep, relaxing breaths. In for five seconds, hold for three, out for five. (Or however many seconds are comfortable. Don’t make yourself pass out!) I think that’s the solution when you’re trying to catch your breath in life: actually breathe.

Pro tip: imagine you have an inner tube around your waist, and the valve is just above your rear end. Breathe into that. Your diaphragm pulls down when you inhale, not up. Focusing on your chest cavity puts less air in your lungs than you have room for. Try breathing into that valve in your lower back, and see how much more air you take in.

Give yourself permission to breathe, and consider that tomorrow can be brighter than today.

Breathe and acknowledge that you lack sufficient evidence to give up on yourself.

Breathe and interrogate all the evidence before you, including the positive indicators, before you make a big move like forfeiting.

Breathe and discount the self judgment that blames something about you for not being more successful or not having aced whatever test you think you’re failing.

Breathe and grant yourself the refreshment you need to finish today well.

Breathe and recommit to work harder if you must, but smarter for sure.

Breathe and know that if hard work is needed, you’ve got what it takes.

Breathe and let the tears flow when they must. It’s okay. Let them go.

This is a strange time, and the days might get darker before they lighten. You’re trying to protect the ones you love and the things you’ve worked for. That requires you being your best, and you’ll be much better if you’re rooting for yourself. Take a moment. Think of 3 things you’ve achieved that only you could’ve done. If your resume was only 3 lines long, and you could only list achievements that no one else has, what would you write that’s unique to you?

After a while, you might struggle to narrow the list down to three. That’s who you are. Your uniqueness is something to shout about.

So do the best you can. Some days your best will feel pathetic, but if it’s your best then let that be enough. You never know: it might be much more than enough, even if it doesn’t delight you. It may still advance you, sustain you, protect you and nourish you. Storms can scar the hillside as they make the flowers grow. Now is a moment to give yourself the flowers. It’s Nature’s way. Your first flower is acknowledging that you, truly, are doing the best you can… and you might even be able to do better.

And so can I. Every single day, I struggle with every single thing I’ve written here. I’m writing this for myself. I still wonder if my best will be enough, and every day I doubt it. But here I am. Here we are.

Breathe. Relax. Refocus.

Photo by Fabien BELLANGER on Unsplash

…okay. Back to work.