Kevin McCarthy: A Cautionary Fable
With so many scorpions, what frog would want this job?
Story Time, children. Gather round.
A frog and a scorpion stood beside a rushing river. They both wanted to cross, but only the frog was able. So the scorpion asked for safe passage across the river on the frog’s back.
“Hold up!” said the frog. “All you do is kill things. You think I’m gonna let you kill me, drown me - a frog who can swim - in the middle of the river? I’m a frog, not a jackass! Get to steppin’, fool!”
“Look, sucka,” said the scorpion, “the only way I’m gonna let you get across this river at all is if you carry me. If you don’t, then I’ll just stand here on the bank, with my sharp-ass tail pointed right at’cha, and you ain’t going no-damn-where. What’s it gonna be?”
The frog wanted desperately to cross the river. Other frogs also despised the scorpion, but none was willing to stand against him.
“*sigh* All right, fine. Hop yo’ silly ass on, ya overgrown cricket. Let’s go."
Sure enough, barely halfway across the river, the scorpion did what scorpions do. The other frogs lamented the attack, cursing the scorpion but, alas, no one could save their friend. He could not even save himself.
“…awww, HELL naw! Why *sputter* why would you *cough* do this to me???”
The truth: it was in the scorpion’s nature. He was born with a barb, and it wasn’t for show. He stung the frog because he couldn’t not sting him.
“What do you mean, why?” the scorpion huffed. “Because you got me wet, sucka! I expected a decent ride, and this is what I get? My pincers got all soggy and damp! Yo’ sorry ass got what you deserved! Go on and drown, then!”
And as the frog’s head slipped under the water, his last thoughts were:
“Motherf—*croak*.”
On Tuesday, Congress made history. The US House voted to remove Cong. Kevin McCarthy (R-CA) as its speaker, 216-210. Speakers have faced such a vote before (more on that later), but never has that motion to “vacate the chair”, as its called, ever succeeded until now. McCarthy says he won’t run for the job again. It’s unclear who will step up.
And yes, he’s the frog. Yes, I put my spin on the fable… and no, it’s not by Aesop.
The scorpion? An amalgam of far-right Republican lawmakers, but primarily Cong. Matt Gaetz (R-FL). He made the motion, arguing before his own Republican colleagues that McCarthy’s time was up. No Democrats spoke during the floor debate, and none of them cheered or jeered when it was over. They also didn’t vote to save McCarthy. He didn’t help matters when, a few days prior, he told Face the Nation that Democrats were to blame for bringing the nation to the edge of a government shutdown.
That’s been averted, but only for another 42 days or so. Congress still has to pass an actual spending bill. Gaetz (pronounced “gates”) railed against his colleagues’ inability to do that, as well as their inability to grapple with the nation’s $33.4 trillion debt. That’s a legitimate concern, but if solving that problem was actually his interest, then why did he sow this chaos into the only body that can set America’s budget? Why didn’t he see that he cannot cross this river himself?
Simple. Gaetz got his pincers wet. Things didn’t happen to his liking, so there was nothing else to do but sting.
Matt Gaetz is not the only member of Congress acting like this. He just seized this opportunity. His fellow disruptors have proven extremely eager to be rebels, but they’ve shown little talent for consensus building and problem solving… aka, The Reason Congress Exists. McCarthy made an array of problematic promises in order to win the speakership, enduring 15 rounds of voting back in January that were, frankly, excruciating to watch. Among those concessions: an unprecedented agreement that, instead of a critical mass of people being able to oust him, one member could bring the motion by themselves.
This frog didn’t just get randomly stung. He put the barb in his mouth and hoped the scorpion wouldn’t sneeze.
So what now? What frog with an ounce of self respect preservation would set foot near these scorpions, even for the sake of the country? Perhaps House Republicans themselves will take action, finally, after letting members like Gaetz have their way for quite some time. Their disgust with this chaos has been obvious ever since he led the opposition to McCarthy’s speakership in the first place. Now it runs so deep that they’re thinking about voting to expel Gaetz. GOP members were so annoyed with his motion that they would not let Gaetz speak from the podium on their side of the aisle. He spoke from the Democrats’ podium, facing off against his own party while standing at arm’s length from the opposition.
As for a new leader, that’s the larger problem. Thus far, Cong. Gaetz has neither suggested anyone who should run for Speaker nor offered to do the job himself. McCarthy’s speakership was messy from the start, no doubt, but he did succeed in negotiating a temporary spending package. That’s why the United States Government is still running right now. Apparently, a shutdown would’ve been preferable to Gaetz over giving the Democrats a win of any kind.
Cong. Patrick McHenry (R-NC) will serve as Speaker for the moment, though that temporary role could change hands. After the vote McHenry put the House in recess angrily, with one noticeably forceful pound of the gavel. The House must elect a new Speaker before any major business can get done. Perhaps Congress’s real problem now is not the presence of the Matt Gaetzes, but the absence of more Kevin McCarthys. After the way he’s been treated the hellish deal he agreed to, a frog would be safer in a pot on the stove.
The last House Speaker to face a removal vote was Cong. Joseph Gurney Cannon (R-IL). The Cannon House Office Building is named after him. McCarthy proved impotent, but Cannon was practically omnipotent. On top of being Speaker he also chaired the House Rules Committee. That meant he singlehandedly controlled the agenda for the House, including which bills made it to the floor. Some of his colleagues referred to him as “Czar Cannon”.
In 1910 the House voted to strip Cannon of his Rules Committee chairmanship. Seeing which way things were going, he called everyone’s bluff in a startling way: he welcomed a motion to vacate the chair, practically daring them to revoke his speakership.
“The real truth," Cannon said, "is that there is no coherent Republican majority in the House of Representatives." (Oh, how history repeats.)
A Democrat quickly offered that motion, and the vote was taken. Amazingly, the measure failed 155-192. Cannon kept his role as Speaker until the end of that Congress, when Democrats won the majority.
Kevin McCarthy’s speakership made him into a frog among scorpions. It remains to be seen when, or if, the scorpion that stung him will drown. Perhaps he should’ve taken the zoological advice of his predecessor, Speaker Cannon:
“Sometimes in politics one must duel with skunks, but no one should be fool enough to allow skunks to choose the weapons.”
No cap, fool.
BY THE WAY: While America made history by removing its House Speaker, Canada’s Parliament was also making history by choosing a new one. Greg Fergus is now the first Black Canadian to become Speaker of its House of Commons. Speaker Fergus’s predecessor, MP Anthony Rota, resigned last week after inviting a 98-year-old former Ukrainian soldier to Parliament. That veteran soldier, as it turned out, fought for the SS 14th Waffen Division — under the command of the Nazis in World War II. Rota expressed his “profound regret” as he stepped down.
Great summary... McCarthy got what he deserved and if he ever thought it wouldn't happen this way, he's stupid.
I do wonder who will be next. So far only Jim Jordan has spoken up that I've seen.